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Parents Who Host Parties Lose The Most
by Daniel K. Duncan, NCADA's Director of Community Services.
Published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch on May 20, 2009.
A recent Post-Dispatch article reported on an effort by Windsor Pride, a Jefferson County community coalition that has encouraged local law enforcement entities to uphold existing laws on social hosting — situations in which adults knowingly allow underage minors to consume alcohol in their home or on their property. Both the Windsor Pride group and the Jefferson County deputies are to be commended for taking action. Not to be commended are parents upset with the officers for doing their job: protecting their kids.
This is not unique to Jefferson County. The sad truth is there are parents throughout the St. Louis region who allow this type of activity in their homes. And, as was the case in Jefferson County, law enforcement officers from other jurisdictions have reported similar responses by parents when officers have issued citations. Frequently, the officers are the target of anger when hosting situations are busted.
The response of parents in these situations is inappropriate. Alcohol represents a serious threat to the lives and well being of teens. If your teen were to die, it probably would be because of involvement with alcohol more than for any other reason. This should be enough to cause parents to bend over backward to help their teens keep a healthy distance from alcohol. Often, it isn't.
Too many parents today simply accept the notion that "Kids will be kids; they're going to drink so you might as well keep them in a safe environment," or, "We just need to teach them how to drink. If they drink in a safe, responsible manner there will be fewer problems." These myths are rooted in a resignation that there's nothing you can do, so just do what you can to minimize risk.
It is not inevitable that all teens will drink. That is shaped by social mores, peer groups, family norms and a variety of other dynamics, many of which parents have more control over than they might think. The ability to protect youth from alcohol is particularly dependent upon parents who model appropriate alcohol use, who create healthy boundaries and who understand the importance of creating a structure in which consequences of breaking family rules are well articulated and well understood.
Most important in keeping teens safe from underage drinking is the precedent of what has or has not been done long before the children have grown into their teen years. Starting young and being consistent are key. The more resilient the child is in being adequately armed and prepared for making healthy decisions, the less they will be drawn toward risk-taking behaviors, including alcohol or other drug use.
As science unlocks the mysteries of the brain's complex neuro-circuitry, we increasingly understand why the teen years are the prime risk years for the development of addiction. A developing brain becomes what it is exposed to. As child development expert Dr. David Walsh says in his book "Why Do They Act That Way?": "The neurons that fire together, wire together." One example is how very young children can so readily learn a musical instrument or another language. And later, in another part of the developing brain is a hyper-susceptibility to learning or adapting to chemicals such as alcohol. Previously, it was thought the brain was done developing by puberty, it now is understood the brain develops until the mid-20s.
A key element in effective parenting is protecting a child from harm. Our job is not done when they turn 17 or 18. An informed parent understands that alcohol and immaturity can be a lethal combination. Maturity cannot be imposed on an immature brain. Maturity is a process that takes time.
Effective parenting does not include hosting parties where teens are allowed to drink. To think this will keep them safe is folly. No matter what else you might say to them, you have given the green light, and their adolescent brain is going to push on the accelerator.
Parents are the key to keeping their kids safe from themselves and the world beyond the front door. Parents can do everything right, and teens still can make mistakes and make poor decisions. But we should do all we can to protect our kids until they are adults, capable of making their own decisions.
What we do or don't do makes a huge difference. And when it comes to alcohol, it might be the difference between life and death.
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